Thursday, January 18, 2024

Hockey News! Special Edition Vol: 6.03

This is the 113th posting of the news articles from the Beer and Pretzel Hockey League written by the beat writer that covers the league.  He calls himself Dickie Dunn - his true identity is unknown.

Greetings hockey fans and welcome to streak ending edition of Hockey News BPHL: Special Edition Vol: 6.03.  All good things come to an end and such was the case of the mega fire streak that Silver has been riding since Thanksgiving.  Silver met with Double Snot Bubbles on the road to finish the home and home series this past Monday night, trying to extend their streak to a club record ninth straight victory.

Just like their last home game, Silver dug themselves a hole to start the contest.  It was a bit larger then the two goal deficit this time as the Snot Bubbles stretched their lead to 4 - 0 after two periods of play.  The Silver players, having been in this position a time or two, were not worried.

Feisty forward Alex "Coop" Cooper, feeling untouchable with a birthday celebration around the corner, was doing his normal "Coop" things like carving up of opponents and flying around the ice with reckless abandon.  This led to him starting off the scoring for Silver.  The rally caps were brought out and Silver soon had buried three more from Mullendore, Schultz, and Van Brocklin, tying the game with just under three minutes to spare.  There was plenty of time for some more Silver heroics as the Snot Bubbles were back on their heels.

The streak was alive and Silver was riding high, looking to finish the job in regulation, if not another shootout.  Then disaster struck as an errant pass went off a skate and set up the Snot Bubbles for the eventual winning goal with only 14 seconds left.  Some people say you cannot give a good player a bad pass.  Some players that are older and not as quick as they once were, say they have a stick for a reason and not to pass it in their skates.

The Prestigious LA Ross Silver Helmet Memorial Trophy and the Obscure Bryan "Mario" Alexander Silver Lancers Fedora (PLARSHMT & OBMASLF) were not awarded in the loss.  Despite winning two draws, Alex Cooper won the Faceoff Chain.  His fine from last year for attending a male cheer-leading event instead of a game is still outstanding and has accrued a sizeable amount of interest.

PRESTIGIOUS LA ROSS SILVER HELMET MEMORIAL TROPHY
Photo credit L.B. Jeffries

OBSCURE BRYAN "MARIO" ALEXANDER SILVER LANCERS FEDORA
Photo credit L.B. Jeffries

Stars of the Game

1)  Chrissy Hairissack
2)  Jenna Kobgobbler
3)  Queen Whitless

Don't forget to check out the archives of all your favorite Hockey News! articles that really capture the spirit of the thing over at the main blog site www.ddunnwrotethis.blogspot.com.  Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life, is a season ticket to Silver team's games.

Silver is back in action on Thursday, 18 January at RALSTON Arena at 8:30 PM.  Silver matches up against the the dark as night hearts of the Black team, trying to start a new streak.  The arena is bringing back an old favorite, DOZEN EGG NIGHT!  First 100 fans get 12 dozen eggs to pelt the Black team's vehicles with during the game.  They should freeze real nicely.  So much so that it will likely take a dozen Rocket Car wash cycles to get it all off.  Come on down to the Ralston Arena, bring the kids!  We've got entertainment for the whole family.

Remember, Dickie Dunn wrote this, so it's gotta be true

Gambling Corner
Since 2/14/19:
Silver ATS 69-40-1
Silver Money Line (as favorite) 34-12-0
Silver Money Line (as underdog) 17-45-1
Silver Games O/U 52-57-1

Silver vs. Double Snot Bubbles Recap
Silver -1.5 (+130)
Double Snot Bubbles +1.5 (-150)

Over 8.5 (-110)
Under 8.5 (-110)

Silver -110
Double Snot Bubbles +105

Silver vs. Black Odds
Silver +1.5 (-110)
Black -1.5 (+100)

Over 13.5 (-110)
Under 13.5 (-110)

Silver +110
Black -160

Silver
Key Players:  Voss - 2.3 ppg, Schultz - 5 game point streak
Trends: 2-0 vs Black last two games, including a 1 - 0 shutout.
Injuries: Coop (questionable - wedding shit), Bednarz (out - LBI)

Black
Key Players:  All of them except their tender
Trends: 0-2 vs. Silver in last two games
Injuries: Young (questionable - has a recurring case of hypogonadism)

BPHL Futures
Odds to win BPHL Regular Season (Teams stacked with former NCAA division I hockey players and even some professionals)

Black -1,000,000,000
Gold -990,000,000

Odds to win BPHL Regular Season (Teams not stacked with former NCAA division I hockey players and even some professionals)

Silver +250
Double Snot Bubbles -800
Red +650

Silver O/U Regular Season Wins (19 games remaining - currently have 9 wins)
Over 18.5 +110
Under 18.5 -110

Silver Makes Playoffs
Yes (OFF)
No +900

Monday, January 15, 2024

Hockey News! Special Edition Vol: 6.02

This is the 112th posting of the news articles from the Beer and Pretzel Hockey League written by the beat writer that covers the league.  He calls himself Dickie Dunn - his true identity is unknown.

Greetings hockey fans and welcome to a scalding hot edition of Hockey News BPHL: Special Edition Vol: 6.02.  If you have not been paying attention to the season, Silver team was on an absolute heater, winning their last SEVEN games heading into the new year and their first tilt of 2024, which happened to be against the Double Snot Bubbles on 4 January.

It looked like Silver may have had a bit of new year hangover after going down one rip in the first minute of the game.  Things looked a little more dire three minutes later when they allowed the second goal.  That is as bad as it got for Silver, with the defense stiffening up and offense waking up to rally, tying the game with two quick goals of their own to end the first period.

It was tight for the entire second period and well into the third before DSB struck again to take a one goal lead.  Silver answered less than a minute later to knot it at three and ultimately force a shootout.  There was a close call on a roughing minor, when it looked like one of the DSBs players died on the ice after being stood up on the blue line, but he shook it off after getting a whiff of some smelling salts.

Silver goalie CJ Tate was faked out of his pads on the first DSB attempt but made a diving paddle save to stun the several DSB fans in the stands.  Maas was also unsuccessful for Silver's first attempt.  DSB opened the scoring in the shootout in the second round and Mullendore answered with a bit of fancy puck handling that led to a backhand shelf from a narrow angle.  DSB again scored putting the pressure on Voss to keep it tied, which he did easily with a wicked shot on the ice, surprising the DSB tender.  DSB then failed to score in the first round of sudden death, leaving the door open for SIlver's Paul Bednarz to play the hero.

Bednarz took the puck slow and headed out wide to his left before turning back toward the DSB netminder.  It was over in a flash and a thud as the biscuit hit the back middle pad, beating the goalie short side and rocketing the Silver team onto the ice for a celebration of their eighth straight victory.

The PLARSHMT & OBMASLF were awarded to the game hero Paul Bednarz, who added an assist in regulation.  It was hard to pick just one as Voss netted two during regulation and one in the shootout with Tate allowing just three in regulation and stopping more than the other guy in the shootout.  Despite winning one draw, Alex Cooper won the Faceoff Chain.  His fine from last year for attending a male cheer-leading event instead of a game is still outstanding and has accrued a sizeable amount of interest.

Stars of the Game

1)  Paul Bednarz
2)  Zach Voss
3)  CJ Tate

Don't forget to check out the archives of all your favorite Hockey News! articles that really capture the spirit of the thing over at the main blog site www.ddunnwrotethis.blogspot.com.  Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life, is a season ticket to Silver team's games.

Silver is back in action on Monday, 15 January at RALSTON Arena at 9:30 PM.  Silver matches up against the Double Snot Bubbles again, looking to extend their club record win streak to a NINER.  Silver leads the season series at 3 - 1 but is still four points back in the standings.  Tonight is FREE VALET PARKING night.  The first 30,000 fans in the lot will get free valet parking.  Not only will you not have to walk into the arena from the parking lot, but the valets will keep your car running the entire game and add fuel so it is nice and toasty when you get back out and you aren't out that gallon of gas you just burned!  Come on down to the Ralston Arena, bring the kids!  We've got entertainment for the whole family.

Remember, Dickie Dunn wrote this, so it's gotta be true

Gambling Corner
Since 2/14/19:
Silver ATS 69-39-1
Silver Money Line (as favorite) 34-12-0
Silver Money Line (as underdog) 17-45-1
Silver Games O/U 51-57-1

Silver vs. Double Snot Bubbles Recap
Silver -0.5 (+110)
Double Snot Bubbles +0.5 (-120)

Over 10.5 (-110)
Under 10.5 (-110)

Silver -110
Double Snot Bubbles +105

Silver vs. Double Snot Bubbles Odds
Silver -1.5 (+130)
Double Snot Bubbles +1.5 (-150)

Over 8.5 (-110)
Under 8.5 (-110)

Silver -110
Double Snot Bubbles +105

Silver
Key Players:  Voss - 2.3 ppg, Tate 3 GA last game vs DSB
Trends: Undefeated in 2024 and eight game win streak
Injuries: Maas (questionable - snow removal)

Double Snot Bubbles
Key Players:  Chrissy Hairissack, Alexis Scrotski, Quinn White
Trends: 1-2-1 vs. Silver this season
Injuries: Glaucoma affects half the team

BPHL Futures
Odds to win BPHL Regular Season (Teams stacked with former NCAA division I hockey players and even some professionals)

Black -1,000,000,000
Gold -990,000,000

Odds to win BPHL Regular Season (Teams not stacked with former NCAA division I hockey players and even some professionals)

Silver +250
Double Snot Bubbles -800
Red +650

Silver O/U Regular Season Wins (19 games remaining - currently have 9 wins)
Over 18.5 +110
Under 18.5 -110

Silver Makes Playoffs
Yes (OFF)
No +900

Wednesday, January 3, 2024

Hockey News! Special Edition Vol: 6.01

This is the 111th posting of the news articles from the Beer and Pretzel Hockey League written by the beat writer that covers the league.  He calls himself Dickie Dunn - his true identity is unknown.

Greetings hockey fans and welcome to the first 2024 edition of Hockey News BPHL: Special Edition Vol: 6.01.  It has been a year since the last post from this publication but our subscriber numbers have not suffered.  Dickie Dunn has been a busy guy and to be honest, there was not much to write about for the Silver squad.

The 2022-23 season ended without much fanfare.  I would like to tell you that after their first game of 2023, which resulted in an absolute rout of the Double Snot Bubbles, Silver went on to win every game for the rest of the year, including a BPHL Championship, but that isn't what happened.  Black and Gold won a lot of games and then played each other in the finals to see which cared the most about the glory days.  The "Run for One" was dashed again.

The start of the 2023-24 season is well behind us and the 2nd year GM/Owner, the Natty Daddy, made some serious off-season roster moves.  Lock-down D-man Jeff Evans opted out of the season, which was certainly a blow to the blue line.  We were given this official statement from Evans' agent, "This is not the end of hockey for Jeff, he will be in tip top shape during the offseason and will be ready to come back at a moments notice."  When asked if he meant physical shape or beer drinking shape, the agent only shrugged with a wry smile saying, "I think you know the answer to that."  A couple other roster changes have seen the departure of a pair of Mikes and Adam Collette.

The Natty Daddy backfilled those losses with at least one Midland Warrior and a couple other promising young players.  The full-time goalie position was awarded to CJ Tate as late season fill-in Angus the Irishman got deported.  Veteran D-man, Dustin Gangelhoff, has also relegated himself to only play Thursday games.  

Silver opened up the new season with a dismal 1 - 8 record, getting outscored 41 - 82 in those games.  It turns out all they needed was a long weekend and some turkey dinner to get things moving in the right direction.  Silver caught fire at the end of November and have rattled off seven straight victories - a club record.  Last Thursday they capped off the DECEMBER to REMEMBER, beating Red 8 - 5.  The score was a lot closer than the game.

Scoring opened up quickly at 22 seconds with Gangelhoff springing Maas for a semi-breakaway, where he finished by sending the netminder's water bottle soaring into the frosty air.  Red answered and kept it close in the first, but Silver opened the floodgates starting in the second, scoring five unanswered to make it a 7 - 2 lead well into the third.  Red got their third goal with just over 4 minutes to play.  Silver tacked on one more insurance goal before giving up two goals late.  There was some speculation about the lax defense late in the game, maybe some betting interests were involved as the O/U was 12.5.

The PLARSHMT & OBMASLF were awarded to Branden Maas who netted a hattrick.  Despite winning zero draws, Alex Cooper won the Faceoff Chain.  His fine from last year for attending a male cheer-leading event instead of a game is still outstanding and has accrued a sizeable amount of interest.

Stars of the Game

1)  Branden Maas
2)  Zach Voss
3)  CJ Tate

Don't forget to check out the archives of all your favorite Hockey News! articles that really capture the spirit of the thing over at the main blog site www.ddunnwrotethis.blogspot.com.  Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life, is a season ticket to Silver team's games.

Silver is back in action on Thursday, 4 January at RALSTON Arena at 8:30 PM.  Silver matches up against Double Snot Bubbles going for their club record eighth straight win.  Silver surprisingly leads the season series at 2 - 1 but is five points back in the standings.  Come on down to the Ralston Arena, bring the kids!  We've got entertainment for the whole family.

Remember, Dickie Dunn wrote this, so it's gotta be true

Gambling Corner
Since 2/14/19:
Silver ATS 69-38-1
Silver Money Line (as favorite) 33-12-0
Silver Money Line (as underdog) 17-45-1
Silver Games O/U 51-56-1

Silver vs. Red Recap
Silver -3.5 (+120)
Red +3.5 (-130)

Over 12.5 (-110)
Under 12.5 (-110)

Silver -180
Red +145

Silver vs. Double Snot Bubbles Odds
Silver -0.5 (+110)
Double Snot Bubbles +0.5 (-120)

Over 10.5 (-110)
Under 10.5 (-110)

Silver -110
Double Snot Bubbles +105

Silver
Key Players:  Maas - coming off a hattrick, Voss - 2.33 ppg.
Trends: Undefeated in 2024 and seven game win streak
Injuries: Bednarz (questionable - illness)

Double Snot Bubbles
Key Players:  Chrissy Hairissack, Alexis Scrotski, Quinn White
Trends: 1-2-0 vs. Silver this season
Injuries: Glaucoma affects half the team

BPHL Futures
Odds to win BPHL Regular Season (Teams stacked with former NCAA division I hockey players and even some professionals)

Black -1,000,000,000
Gold -990,000,000

Odds to win BPHL Regular Season (Teams not stacked with former NCAA division I hockey players and even some professionals)

Silver +250
Double Snot Bubbles -800
Red +650

Silver O/U Regular Season Wins (20 games remaining - currently have 8 wins)
Over 17.5 +110
Under 17.5 -110

Silver Makes Playoffs
Yes (OFF)
No +900