Hockey News! Special Edition Vol: 3.02

This is the fifty-fourth posting of the news articles from the Beer and Pretzel Hockey League written by the beat writer that covers the league.  He calls himself Dickie Dunn - his true identity is unknown.

Greetings hockey fans and welcome to another absolute beauty of an article of Hockey News BPHL: Special Edition Vol: 3.02.  Silver opened up against Black in a preseason bout on Monday night.  They also opened quite a few eyes around the league.  Holding the powerhouse Black team, which consists of a mix of former NHL talent at the high end and NCAA Division III Eastern College Athletic Conference on the low end, to their lowest goal total in the teams' history against Silver.  Meanwhile, the talent pool on Silver comes in the form of parking lot alcohol consumption and crane game prize winning percentage (as close to 100% as statistically possible).

Despite the vast gap in the talent pool, Silver managed to keep the game close through most of the third period before Black extended the lead for good.  A-A-Ron Martens made some stellar saves down the stretch, but it wasn't enough to keep Black from earning the victory.  Silver ended up netting only 2 goals, but not for the lack of chances.  Who would have thought that starting a goalie and several players with Division I NCAA or better experience in recreational beer league hockey games would continue to have great results?

PRESTIGIOUS LA ROSS SILVER HELMET MEMORIAL TROPHY
Photo Credit L.B. Jeffries
Dustin Gangelhoff - 2 goals, 4 SOG, 4 FOW

The Prestigious LA Ross Silver Helmet Memorial Trophy was unofficially awarded to Gangelhoff, as he scored the only goals for Silver.  Although gracious when finding out the news of the award, he also discussed the real focus of the season saying, "Personal accolades are great and I will look back on this with great honor, but in the end, I'd much rather score zero goals and get a W."

In other team news, recent acquisition Sam Zwiener is now expected to hold out, allegedly demanding a contract renegotiation even before playing a single career BPHL game, according to a source on the team (the source also doubles as the Chicago White Sox Omaha Area Fan Club President).  Hockey News! will continue to follow this story as it develops.

Don't forget to check out the archives of all your favorite Hockey News! articles that really capture the spirit of the thing over at the blog site www.ddunnwrotethis.blogspot.com.  Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life, is a season ticket to Silver team's games.

Stars of the Game

1) Kirt Thomasson

2) Danielle Wright

3) Dustin Gangelhoff

Silver will be back in action for the REGULAR season, opening their first game up against the new and improved powerhouse that is Teal, on Monday, 12 October at RALSTON ARENA at 8:45 PM. Teal was winless against Silver last season, but looks to make a big impression starting the 2020 season - especially if Mario is still on the blue line.  Paul Bednarz said, "If Blue Jersey outscores me, I'm retiring, effective immediately."  Come on down to the Ralston Arena, bring the kids!  We've got entertainment for the whole family.

Remember, Dickie Dunn wrote this, so it's gotta be true

Gambling Corner

Since 2/14/19:

Silver ATS 34-18-1

Silver Money Line (as favorite) 15-7-0

Silver Money Line (as underdog) 9-22-0

Silver Games O/U 25-27-1

Silver/Black Recap

Silver +325

Black -1,000

Over 9.5 (-110)

Under 9.5 (-110)

Silver +7.5 (-110)

Black -7.5 (+110)

Silver/Teal Odds

Silver -3.5 (-110)

Teal +3.5 (-110)

Over 9.5 (-120)

Under 9.5 (-110)

Silver -895

Teal +395

Hockey News! Special Edition Vol: 3.01

This is the fifty-third posting of the news articles from the Beer and Pretzel Hockey League written by the beat writer that covers the league.  He calls himself Dickie Dunn - his true identity is unknown.

Greetings hockey fans and welcome to another stunning article of Hockey News BPHL: Special Edition Vol: 3.01.  This edition kicks off the 2020 season for your favorite league with your favorite publication, BPHL and Hockey News!  Silver team is fresh off their last game of the 2019 season which ended in sweet victory.  Silver absolutely destroyed their bitter rival Gold in the ultimate PRECIOUS METALS game.  For a recap of the savage beating and subsequent attempt at pay-back by the cheap-shotting Gold team - bang it here.

The Silver team has been plenty busy this off season, adding several key pieces to their roster.  The perennial "Run for One" has some serious legitimacy this season.  Of the newly added players, it's difficult to tell which the fan-base is stoked on more highly.  Is it the smooth and creative abilities of Zach Voss, the strong two-way play and mustache of Brandon Parrone, or the other new guy who's last name is spelled like a synonym for dick - it's really a toss up.

Zach Voss - F

Likely the former leading scorer for the Virginia/Mountain Iron-Buhl Blue Devils - nice to see ya

Brandon Parrone - D

Definitely the sickest crumb catcher in the league - how are ya

Sam Zwiener - D

Easily the sickest flow and likely former PIMs leader for the Sartell-St. Stephen Sabres - not a big deal

When asked about the acquisitions, Silver player/coach Jimmy DeRouchey played coy, "We still lost the heart and soul of this team in Kyle Korbel.  Sure he didn't show up much, but he laughs and/or likes every picture we've ever sent in the group thread.  You can't teach that.  Without him, we are going to be up against it."  There was a minor interruption during the interview when some muffled voices in the background were heard in some sort of struggle.  It was difficult to make out, but it sounded something like, "...daddy he called me a..." something "...and then he changed the station."  Sibling rivalries can be fun.

Training camp wrapped up last Thursday followed by the end of training camp banquet.  On-ice practices and dry-land training were rumored to start this week.  All workouts were closed to the media so it's unclear if they actually took place.

BPHL Preseason is underway next week starting Monday, 5 October at 7:30 and 8:45 PM at Ralston Arena.  Gold and White face-off in the early game, while Black will take on Silver in the night cap.  The winners will play on Thursday and afterwards, we'll go to the Aces.

Don't forget to check out the archives of all your favorite Hockey News! articles over at the blog site www.ddunnwrotethis.blogspot.com.  Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life, is a season ticket to Silver team's games.

Silver will be back in action for the REGULAR season, opening their first game up against the new and improved powerhouse that is Teal, on Monday, 12 October at RALSTON ARENA at 8:45 PM. Silver did not drop a game to Teal last season, but one would be wise and wager with caution, especially in the first game of the season.

Remember, Dickie Dunn wrote this, so it's gotta be true

Gambling Corner
Since 2/14/19:
Silver ATS 33-18-1
Silver Money Line (as favorite) 15-7-0
Silver Money Line (as underdog) 9-21-0
Silver Games O/U 25-26-1

Silver/Gold Recap

Silver +325
Gold -995

Over 12.5 (-110)
Under 12.5 (-110)

Silver +4.0 (-120)
Gold -4.0 (+105)

Silver/Teal Odds

Silver -3.5 (-110)

Teal +3.5 (-110)

Over 9.5 (-120)

Under 9.5 (-110)

Silver -895

Teal +395

Hockey News! Special Edition Vol: 2.33

Greetings Hockey Fans!

Welcome to a SUPER SPECIAL EDITION of Hockey News!  That's right, your favorite publication never goes on vacation or closes down, despite the current crisis facing our nation.  Of course you know I'm referring to the shortage of toilet paper that is devastating our sphincters.  Reports of people resorting to rough and cheap paper towels are plastered all over the news.

While even less effective than paper towels, other strange objects have been reported as being used such as facial tissue, used ticket stubs, magazines, cardboard, brillo pads, steel wool, hands, tree bark, dryer sheets, rocks, fully grown Chia pets, dead animal fur, live animal fur, human hair, rugs, carpet samples, pasta utensils, handfuls of mulch, roofing shingles, and even credit cards (used like a scraper).  There are some that have even resulted to the method known as "dry and flake" which results in a large increase of airborne excrement particles and is the most discouraged practiced, according to leading experts in the field over at Defecations R Us, LLC.

The cause for the shortage of essential rump cleaner is unclear.  There are many theories that have offered explanations, each as unlikely to be true as the next.  The most commonly accepted theory comes from the unexpected popularity of the Impossible Bat sandwich rolled out by Burger King back sometime in November.  The new sandwich was tested in a small market in China but soon spread like VD in a retirement home, expanding world-wide for all to enjoy.  The problem with the delicious new novelty sandwich appears to be coming out the other end, literally, making messes that require excess needs for TP, hence the current shortage.  There are some reports that in order to get that "natural" bat flavor, real bat was used in the production of the "imitation bat" substance used in the Impossible Bat sandwich, but Burger King has denied any such allegations.

To combat the situation, Chick-Fil-A is rolling out a new “Eat More Chikin” campaign.  A spokesperson for the chain was quoted as saying, “We feel this campaign will be compelling to many consumers in our efforts to get them to try our chicken. We plan to roll this out first in the Wuhan province, and eventually expand nation wide.”

Meanwhile, the Hockey Hiatus continues (must be somehow related to the TP shortage but this reporter couldn't find the connection) but never fear - there are plenty of frozen pucks to be had during this time of crisis.  I believe there is a sale on the newly signed partner and proud sponsor of this article, Corona Extra - la cerveza mas fina, Corona Light - la cerveza baja en calorias, and Corona Hard Seltzer - la agua alcoholica con gas.  Find your beach and remember, anytime a goal is scored bar-down, a Corona gets its lime.

Remember, Dickie Dunn wrote this, so it's gotta be true

Hockey News! Special Edition Vol: 2.32

This is the fifty-first posting of the news articles from the Beer and Pretzel Hockey League written by the beat writer that covers the league.  He calls himself Dickie Dunn - his true identity is unknown.

Greetings hockey fans and welcome to another stunning article of Hockey News BPHL: Special Edition Vol: 2.32.  This weeks article is a DOOZY man, it really is.  Silver battled Gold once again in this season's 7th edition of the PRECIOUS METALS GAME.  Things were back and forth early on, but Silver pulled ahead for good.  That was about the time that Gold showed the true colors of their hearts - black.

That's right, their playing style became as dark as their BLACK AS NIGHT hearts.  Seeing the writing on the wall (that Silver was, always has been, and ALWAYS WILL BE the superior precious metal), the Gold players started systematically taking cheap shots at Silver.  It started with a body check behind the net that sent Roland Alfork to the box.  Shortly after that, Gold took many more penalties but none that were as bad as the blind-sided shoulder to the face of Alex "Coop" Cooper by ISIS arm of the Gold team, Satan "ALI ALI AKBAR DERKA DERKA JIHAD" Needler.  Coop defended himself immediately, as he should and was helped out by Chris "I don't play late games" Schneider.

Even the generally soft-spoken player/coach Jimmy DeRouchey of Silver gave him an earful that would have likely warranted a PG-13 rating by the MPAA.  Unfortunately, Satan couldn't understand a word as he only speaks Derka-incest gibberish.

There was also an ejection of Anders Wang after goaltender A-A-Ron Martens gave him some retribution for hacking veteran Silver D-man, Robbie Barton.  The BPHL head official may have been getting some revenge for Wang's blatant crosscheck on him earlier this season.

Gold continued to attack Silver players by blatantly tripping a streaking Schneider on a breakaway letting him collide at full speed with the end boards, taking a toll on his upper body.  Blake Koster got tangled in front of the net by a dirty Gold player and ended up tearing all the ligaments in his knee.  Funnily enough, Mark Hasebroock did NOT offer to pay for the surgery or other medical bills, but he did buy Runza and ice creams for the Gold team to stop them from whining about losing.

Later, Jason Strakholm chased down New Mitch after being stripped of the puck.  He proceeded to climb his back and rake him over with a sharpened pitchfork, and finally wrestle him to the ice. Both players were awarded minor penalties, which was fair (at least in the eyes of the league office).  In the end, Silver won, the over hit, and the score is likely being contested by Gold since it hasn't been posted on the official league page as of the posting time of this article.

PRESTIGIOUS LA ROSS SILVER HELMET MEMORIAL TROPHY

Photo Credit L.B. Jeffries

Jake Mullendore - 6 G (or more?), 6 pack abs

Don't forget to checkout the archives of all your favorite Hockey News! articles over at the blog site www.ddunnwrotethis.blogspot.com.  Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life, is a season ticket to Silver team's games.

Stars of the Game

1) Jake Mullendore
2) Blake Koster
3) Alex Cooper

Silver may never be back in action due to the irrational and panicked behavior of a small minority of idiots in this country, which includes RALSTON ARENA. Hopefully the decision makers come to their senses soon and hockey will be back in all our lives.  If anyone suffers, it'll be the fans and they are the reason they play the game.

Remember, Dickie Dunn wrote this, so it's gotta be true

Gambling Corner
Since 2/14/19:
Silver ATS 33-18-1
Silver Money Line (as favorite) 15-7-0
Silver Money Line (as underdog) 9-21-0
Silver Games O/U 25-26-1

Silver/Gold Recap

Silver +325
Gold -995

Over 12.5 (-110)
Under 12.5 (-110)

Silver +4.0 (-120)
Gold -4.0 (+105)

Silver/TBD Odds

Silver OFF
TBD OFF

Over OFF
Under OFF

Silver OFF
TBD OFF

Hockey News! Special Edition Vol: 2.31

This is the fiftieth posting of the news articles from the Beer and Pretzel Hockey League written by the beat writer that covers the league.  He calls himself Dickie Dunn - his true identity is unknown.

Greetings hockey fans and welcome to a bi-weekly article of Hockey News BPHL: Special Edition Vol: 2.31.  Silver overcame an early deficit to remain undefeated against Teal last night, winning by a score of 4 - 2.  Goal scorers were New Mitch, Adam Collette, and two other players (probably #4 and maybe Jake M, Matt B, Blake K, Jim D, but definitely NOT Kyle K, Chris S, Nate K, Taylor L, Reid J, Alex C, or AARon M).  

Silver was peppering stand-in goalie Matthew Slattery (of Slattery Design, Inc. LLC Corp.) all night - it would be hard to tell without the official stat sheet in front of me, but one would guess he saw at least 75 shots, what a dynamo!  Teal had a number of "stand-in" players that were approved by the league office despite being against the league by-laws.  Lucky for Silver, they don't let those things affect them on the ice - they are always ready to play.

The focus has shifted to playoff seeding with Silver just two points back from White, the final games have become that much more crucial.  They will be the difference in a first round game against Teal or a first round game against bitter rival, Red.  You don't have to be Herbert Alstone to know that's a big deal.  White will likely get at least three wins in the final six games.  That means Silver has to get four wins or three wins and a shootout loss in order to take over third place, but they only have five games to do it.

PRESTIGIOUS LA ROSS SILVER HELMET MEMORIAL TROPHY
Photo Credit L.B. Jeffries
#4 - 1 G, 1 A, 1 Busch Latte

Don't forget to checkout the archives of all your favorite Hockey News! articles over at the blog site www.ddunnwrotethis.blogspot.com.  Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life, is a season ticket to Silver team's games.

Stars of the Game

1) Mitch "4" Staiger
2) Adam Collette (could have been 1st star, but must be present to win)
3) Griffith Watson (2 GA - career low)

Silver is back in action next Thursday against Gold at RALSTON at 8:15 PM.  This edition of the PRECIOUS METALS game is guaranteed to be high scoring and highly competitive - but not highly attended, so come on out and bring the kids - we've got entertainment for the whole family!

Remember, Dickie Dunn wrote this, so it's gotta be true

Gambling Corner
Since 2/14/19:
Silver ATS 32-18-1
Silver Money Line (as favorite) 15-7-0
Silver Money Line (as underdog) 8-21-0
Silver Games O/U 24-26-1

Silver/Teal Recap

Silver -675
Teal +135

Over 12.5 (-110)
Under 12.5 (-110)

Silver -4.5 (+110)
Teal +4.5 (-110)

Silver/Gold Odds

Silver +325
Gold -995

Over 12.5 (-110)
Under 12.5 (-110)

Silver +4.0 (-120)
Gold -4.0 (+105)

Hockey News! Special Edition Vol: 2.30

This is the forty-ninth posting of the news articles from the Beer and Pretzel Hockey League written by the beat writer that covers the league.  He calls himself Dickie Dunn - his true identity is unknown.

Greetings hockey fans and welcome to an extra special article of Hockey News BPHL: Special Edition Vol: 2.30.  This season's 30th article is a doozy let me tell you.  Silver and Black did battle on the ice in the BPHL night cap that routinely features the best teams in the league - mostly due to the west coast television market.  The fan that watched was not disappointed.

Both teams were very evenly matched, as they have been all season - but Black had the edge on the scoreboard early, skating to a 5 - 2 lead after one period.  Silver team must have had a rousing speech in the dressing room from vocal leader Mitch Staiger (known to most simply as "4") because there was a different team on the ice for the rest of the game.  Silver ground out a few more goals to eventually post the tying goal in the third.

Shortly after this moment, tempers flared and a real brouhaha broke out on the ice.  Following a bit of stick work, one of the Black players turned to shoot the puck into his own end for what was likely just a bit of defensive zone and breakout practice drills - which coincidentally hit one of the Silver players.  All was calming down until the league ultra tough  guy and well known bad ass, Grant Gallo, decided to two-hand chop the player that was hit with the puck and start running his mouth with all 190 lbs behind it.  Eventually he turtled and went back to playing the soft hockey with chop-work and was secretly thankful no one would bother fighting him because they have to go to work the next day.  Once he realized his UNO career was about as impressive as working part-time at Wal-Mart, play resumed with a heightened level of awareness.

Black managed to break the tie with only a couple minutes left in regulation and it seemed to be lights out for Silver, but then Paul Bednarz stepped past the blue line, received a pass and rocketed a high hard one under the glove-side bar to knot it back up.  It was heading to a shootout until league ultra tough guy and well known bad ass fired one into the back of Silver's net with 3.8 seconds remaining.  What a way to go.  Griffith Watson took home the traveling trophy - he saw so much rubber he was starting to turn into a puck.

PRESTIGIOUS LA ROSS SILVER HELMET MEMORIAL TROPHY
Photo Credit L.B. Jeffries

Griffith Watson - 7 GA, 69 SV, 0 PIM

PRESTIGIOUS LA ROSS SILVER HELMET MEMORIAL TROPHY
Photo Credit L.B. Jeffries

Trophy Inscription

Don't forget to checkout the archives of all your favorite Hockey News! articles over at the blog site www.ddunnwrotethis.blogspot.com.  Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life, is a season ticket to Silver team's games.

Stars of the Game
1) Griffith Watson 
2) Mitch "4" Staiger
3) Paul Bednarz (sick snipe GTG)

Silver and the entire league are on bye this Thursday but are back in full action next Monday.  Silver plays against Teal at RALSTON at 8:45 PM.  Silver looks to remain undefeated on the season against Teal coming off the solid effort and heartbreaking loss to Black.

Remember, Dickie Dunn wrote this, so it's gotta be true

Gambling Corner
Since 2/14/19:
Silver ATS 32-17-1
Silver Money Line (as favorite) 14-7-0
Silver Money Line (as underdog) 8-21-0
Silver Games O/U 24-25-1

Silver/Black Recap

Silver OFF
Black -100,000

Over 13.5 (-110)
Under 13.5 (-110)

Silver +9.5 (-110)
Black -9.5 (+110)

Silver/Teal Odds

Silver -675
Teal +135

Over 12.5 (-110)
Under 12.5 (-110)

Silver -4.5 (+110)
Teal +4.5 (-110)

Hockey News! Special Edition Vols: 2.28 and 2.29

This is the forty-seventh and forty-eighth posting of the news articles from the Beer and Pretzel Hockey League written by the beat writer that covers the league.  He calls himself Dickie Dunn - his true identity is unknown.

Greetings hockey fans and welcome to another stupendous article of Hockey News BPHL: Special Edition Vols: 2.28 and 2.29.  Silver lost tight ones to White team in back to back games by scores of 5 - 7 and 0 - 8.  The effort was there, but other things were lacking.

The Silver team affiliate also fared poorly out in a Las Vegas tournament going 0 - 3, but the team showed some promise against stiff competition and is already looking to start an off season training program for 2021.

Don't forget to checkout the archives of all your favorite Hockey News! articles over at the blog site www.ddunnwrotethis.blogspot.com.  Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life, is a season ticket to Silver team's games.

Stars of the Game
1) Jack Hanson
2) Jeff Hanson
3) Steve Hanson

Silver is back in action against Black TONIGHT at RALSTON at 10:00 PM.  Get there early if you want a good seat, tickets are selling fast.

Remember, Dickie Dunn wrote this, so it's gotta be true

Gambling Corner
Since 2/14/19:
Silver ATS 31-17-1
Silver Money Line (as favorite) 14-7-0
Silver Money Line (as underdog) 8-20-0
Silver Games O/U 24-24-1

Silver/White Recap 2/24/20

Silver +110
White -110

Over 10.0 (-110)
Under 10.0 (-110)

Silver +0.5 (-110)
White -0.5 (+110)

Silver/White Recap 2/27/20

Silver +875
White -900

Over 10.5 (-110)
Under 10.5 (-110)

Silver +8.5 (-130)
White -8.5 (+140)

Silver/Black Odds

Silver OFF
Black -100,000

Over 13.5 (-110)
Under 13.5 (-110)

Silver +9.5 (-110)
Black -9.5 (+110)