Hockey News! Special Edition Vol: 2.32

This is the fifty-first posting of the news articles from the Beer and Pretzel Hockey League written by the beat writer that covers the league.  He calls himself Dickie Dunn - his true identity is unknown.

Greetings hockey fans and welcome to another stunning article of Hockey News BPHL: Special Edition Vol: 2.32.  This weeks article is a DOOZY man, it really is.  Silver battled Gold once again in this season's 7th edition of the PRECIOUS METALS GAME.  Things were back and forth early on, but Silver pulled ahead for good.  That was about the time that Gold showed the true colors of their hearts - black.

That's right, their playing style became as dark as their BLACK AS NIGHT hearts.  Seeing the writing on the wall (that Silver was, always has been, and ALWAYS WILL BE the superior precious metal), the Gold players started systematically taking cheap shots at Silver.  It started with a body check behind the net that sent Roland Alfork to the box.  Shortly after that, Gold took many more penalties but none that were as bad as the blind-sided shoulder to the face of Alex "Coop" Cooper by ISIS arm of the Gold team, Satan "ALI ALI AKBAR DERKA DERKA JIHAD" Needler.  Coop defended himself immediately, as he should and was helped out by Chris "I don't play late games" Schneider.

Even the generally soft-spoken player/coach Jimmy DeRouchey of Silver gave him an earful that would have likely warranted a PG-13 rating by the MPAA.  Unfortunately, Satan couldn't understand a word as he only speaks Derka-incest gibberish.

There was also an ejection of Anders Wang after goaltender A-A-Ron Martens gave him some retribution for hacking veteran Silver D-man, Robbie Barton.  The BPHL head official may have been getting some revenge for Wang's blatant crosscheck on him earlier this season.

Gold continued to attack Silver players by blatantly tripping a streaking Schneider on a breakaway letting him collide at full speed with the end boards, taking a toll on his upper body.  Blake Koster got tangled in front of the net by a dirty Gold player and ended up tearing all the ligaments in his knee.  Funnily enough, Mark Hasebroock did NOT offer to pay for the surgery or other medical bills, but he did buy Runza and ice creams for the Gold team to stop them from whining about losing.

Later, Jason Strakholm chased down New Mitch after being stripped of the puck.  He proceeded to climb his back and rake him over with a sharpened pitchfork, and finally wrestle him to the ice. Both players were awarded minor penalties, which was fair (at least in the eyes of the league office).  In the end, Silver won, the over hit, and the score is likely being contested by Gold since it hasn't been posted on the official league page as of the posting time of this article.

PRESTIGIOUS LA ROSS SILVER HELMET MEMORIAL TROPHY

Photo Credit L.B. Jeffries

Jake Mullendore - 6 G (or more?), 6 pack abs

Don't forget to checkout the archives of all your favorite Hockey News! articles over at the blog site www.ddunnwrotethis.blogspot.com.  Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life, is a season ticket to Silver team's games.

Stars of the Game

1) Jake Mullendore
2) Blake Koster
3) Alex Cooper

Silver may never be back in action due to the irrational and panicked behavior of a small minority of idiots in this country, which includes RALSTON ARENA. Hopefully the decision makers come to their senses soon and hockey will be back in all our lives.  If anyone suffers, it'll be the fans and they are the reason they play the game.

Remember, Dickie Dunn wrote this, so it's gotta be true

Gambling Corner
Since 2/14/19:
Silver ATS 33-18-1
Silver Money Line (as favorite) 15-7-0
Silver Money Line (as underdog) 9-21-0
Silver Games O/U 25-26-1

Silver/Gold Recap

Silver +325
Gold -995

Over 12.5 (-110)
Under 12.5 (-110)

Silver +4.0 (-120)
Gold -4.0 (+105)

Silver/TBD Odds

Silver OFF
TBD OFF

Over OFF
Under OFF

Silver OFF
TBD OFF