Buyer Beware!

My friend, who shall remain nameless in this story, sent me an email with a link to Apple’s new electronic contraption called the iPad. The message in the email started out with this: The wait is over! I thought to myself, what wait? I wasn’t waiting for anything. Was anyone else waiting for something? I may have heard of it awhile back, and I’m sure it received the same reaction from me then, as it did now. It looks impressive. Keyword = looks.

I just don’t see what it’s supposed to be. What is it replacing? How is this device making my life better? Is it a phone? No. It is everything but a phone. Where have I seen THAT before? An iPod touch maybe? So Apple made a bigger iPod touch or as the world is now calling it, a giPod* (pronounced jī – păhd), and changed one letter in the name. It seems to me that Apple ran out of ideas so they decided to create this monstrosity that looks impressive, but has no practical use unless of course, we were a planet of giants! We are not a planet of giants, yet. A guy can dream can't he? I mean, how cool would it be if we were giants? This giPod would actually be practical and the OLD iPod would be too small and outdated. Maybe apple is just ahead of its time on this one. Anyways, back to the point....

What features does the giPod have that make it different from the current iPod? There are a couple that I did see, but they are only there to make the giPod more like a laptop, which is great, if you don’t have a laptop and like 9.7-inch screens with only 64 GB of max memory.

Different features that make giPod better:

Bigger screen - If there is a size that is too big, this is it. Just big enough to not fit in your pocket, so it requires a protective case when transporting around, like a laptop. If you have to carry it around like a laptop then it might as well be normal laptop. I can see where they went wrong with this idea. If we watch a movie or TV, what do we want to watch it on? A bigger screen. If we want to surf the internet on our computer, what do we want to surf it on? A bigger screen. What could make the iPod touch better? A bigger.... wait, we've sold over 250 million iPods**, maybe the screen size isn't the problem (is there even a problem?).

Keyboard plug-in dock - If the touch screen keyboard is so fantastic, why on earth would this even be an option? Answer: The keyboard isn't big enough. Now if you want to dock your giPod to a keyboard, you are carrying a laptop that has two pieces. Is that progress?

iBooks - Awesome, you can have all your books on here and read them anytime you want. How many books can you read at once? I can only read one, so I don't see the advantage of carrying them all around at once. Oh yeah, don't forget, you can't put the books you already own on there. You have to buy them. Basically, this thing puts books at your fingertips so Apple can bank more coin. Also, don't get too far away from an outlet when you are reading, I doubt the battery lasts long enough for your entire read. My trusty paperback doesn't need to recharge.

3G coverage - This isn't even available on the $499 version. If you want it, you have to pay over $800 so you might as well buy a laptop. Also, 3G coverage is a data plan that is sold separately (of course that goes conveniently unmentioned in the promo), exactly like paying for the internet at your house, or on your cell phone (except you can't call or text people).

You need to watch the promo video on the giPod so you can laugh at the other things they talk about i.e. the calendar "We've created a calendar application like nothing you've ever seen on a computer before." Really? What can you possibly do to make a calendar better? IT'S ALL BEEN DONE BEFORE! I also like the guy talking about the video application, "You see something, you touch it and it just starts playing!" That's funny, because when I click on movies on my computer, somewhere in the world, a butterfly loses its wings.

Let's break it down real quick. Apple tries to consider the giPod a better laptop but it just isn't. It tries to be small enough so it can be considered easily portable, but it just isn't for the simple fact that it doesn't fit in your pocket. The giPod is in a sizewise no-man's land. I could literally go on and on about how ridiculous this thing is, but I'll give it a rest, for now. I'm sure it will sell. People always want to have the coolest new thing. I'll admit, I want it right meow. I might even buy it if my prediction below doesn't come true in 6-8 months. For now though, I'm going to appeal to my logical side until I win the lottery.

Obviously this is a test on the intelligence of the human race, some sort of massive, electronically sophisticated social experiment. I believe that there is more to it though; there is a greater meaning behind it, aside from pointing out the morons in the world. Someone is using this giPod to easily identify people in the world who don’t deserve to live. What am I saying? Read between the lines. I’m saying that buying a giPod is like signing your own death sentence. I don't know who is behind this yet, but I like it.

*Copyright Dangelhoff 2010
**Apple CEO Jobs, Steve 2010

The Open Road

Christmas is a time for family. It brings people together. It’s a time for honoring traditions, whether it be a delicious meal of chicken stuffed manicotti on Christmas Eve or celebrating Jesus’ birthday at a local watering hole. This year, a new tradition was born unlike any other. It involved family and bringing people together, much in line with the spirit of Christmas. It started by way of carrying out a different tradition, and so the tale begins…

It was the Wednesday before Christmas; my brother and I were shopping for some last second gifts at Wal-Mart (Christmas Tradition!). My bro, a famous procrastinator*, pretty much asks me in the store what I want and buys it on the spot. He always tries to hide it at the checkout even though I'm standing right there, bless his heart.

*He once wrapped a shoebox with a $20 taped to the inside of the lid.

Sorry Brasha, the stores closed on me. Merry Xmas. What's thin and green and on Christmas can get you anytheen? Dolla Dolla Bills Ya'll.

As we are perusing through the DVD section, I spot a particularly intriguing film and check it out in more detail. There were a couple reasons why it was intriguing to me: A) it was starring Justin Timberlake and Jeff Bridges, and B) despite the semi-high profile actors/celebrities, I hadn’t ever heard of it. After further inspection, we saw that JT’s love interest in the film is the chick from Shooter (Kate Mara). You may know her as E’s new secretary on Entourage or as the widowed fiancé in We Are Marshall. Her being in the movie was enough for my bro to immediately insist that we buy it. I was quick to oblige him.

That's hot.

Obviously this movie was a straight to DVD release, if not, it was one of those playing in ‘select’ cities. It couldn’t have come to my city, I would have remembered. My bro and I knew what we were getting in to. I told him the movie was going to go one of two ways, depending on our attitude. We were determined to make it an AWESOME experience.

I like JT as an actor. I’ve seen Alpha Dog and from what I remember he held his own. Also, his skits on SNL are hilarious. Jeff Bridges is The DUDE so obviously he isn’t a stranger to comedy. The movie was dubbed a comedy, and we were ready to laugh, but we figured we needed some help (see: straight to DVD release comedy). We couldn’t just watch the movie like any other film, with some popcorn and candy, so we decided that the only way to guarantee the movie didn't make me stab my eyes out, was to develop an adult beverage consumption game to play while we watched. That is exactly what we did.

After only reading the back of the movie case, it was somewhat difficult to develop the rules of the game. We knew that JT was a minor league baseball player, and that he hadn’t seen his father (Bridges) in 5 years. Bridges was a good ol' boy, a boozer, womanizer, and a retired MLB player. Here are the rules we started with:

1. Someone says JT’s character name (Carlton) – 1 drink
2. JT strikes someone out (we guessed he was a pitcher) – 2 drinks
3. JT gives up a bomb (or anyone hits a bomb) – 5 drinks
4. When JT and Bridges are reunited, you must drink from the time they both see each other until one of them speaks
5. You had to be drinking anytime JT and Kate Mara were making out

As it turns out the only baseball in the movie is shown in the first 30 seconds, and JT is not a pitcher. We did get to use rule 3 once as there was a highlight of Bridges hitting a homer, but rule 2 never came in to play. Much to our chagrin, neither did rule 5 (on camera at least). Those were minor speed bumps. As we got more of a feel for the characters, new rules developed quickly. Here are the rules we ended with, in addition to one through five:

6. Random famous people in the movie that we didn’t previously know about – 5 drinks
7. Bridges tells a joke – 1 drink
8. Bridges uses an analogy – 1 drink
9. My bro or I call any part of the plot – 10 drinks

Rules 6-9 pretty much made the movie. Rule 6 was made after Ted Danson was the minor league manager in the first scene of the movie. Later, Lyle Lovett made an appearance as a bartender. It was clear 2 minutes after meeting Bridges' character, that rule 7 and 8 were essential to the enjoyment of the film. Jeff Bridges was not talking in this movie if he wasn’t telling a joke or using some kind of metaphor or simile, usually combining the two for a double whammy. Rule 9 was added so we could make nonstop predictions for a chance to consume more.

Sample prediction: My bro called that they would show a camera shot of cows while they were driving down the middle of a country road, and literally 3 seconds after he said that, there was a shot of a countryside pasture with about 30 cows grazing. It doesn’t seem like that was very difficult prediction now, but at the time it was the greatest call of the century. We yelled so loud that I think we woke my sister, who was 1 floor up and at the other end of the house.

It took us roughly three hours to finish the 90 minute movie because we had become, hmmm how shall I put this lightly, oh yes I’ve got the correct word now, drunk. We had to keep re-watching parts because we didn’t hear what joke Bridges was telling or we needed to see the shot of JT and Kate Mara’s faces in the car to confirm that they hooked up the night before (even though it wasn’t shown) validating our plot prediction, thus making use of rule 9.

The great part about rule 9 was, if both parties were in agreement that the plot was correctly predicted, we had 10 drinks. As it turns out, my bro and I were really seeing eye to eye that night (see: bro’s cow call scene). You could say we were really 'n' sync..... a-thank-you. We had polished off a 5th of Bacardi and were well in to part of a 1.75 by the 45 minute mark, just to give you an idea of how many jokes Bridges was telling. In fact, we were so torn up, we had finished watching the movie and were naturally on youtube watching JT’s SNL skits when we realized we didn’t remember how the movie ended sooooooo, we watched the last 25 minutes again. True story.

I can’t say for sure whether or not any of you will have the same experience we did. It depends on your attitude and how strong you mix your drinks. I can say for sure that I had an awesome time, and that I recommend this activity to anyone up for the ride of a lifetime. Maybe you had to be there. All I know is that I was there and I had to tell the world.

I can't figure out which one is photo-shopped. The one with Bridges smiling? Or the one with him pissed off. The bottom one definitely screams COMEDY!

2009, it's been real. It's been fun. It's been REAL FUN!

Recently, my boy Addy D joined the working world after finishing his grand and adventurous college experience. He chose his 1st big boy job in Phoenix, AZ, mostly due to the weather and Cactus League baseball. Naturally, a visit to the southwest was in order soon after the transition, to check out his situation and bring some enthusiasm to his life via the Big Guy Express. I have been a part of the so-called ‘Real World’ for 18 months now and I still don’t know what the big deal is. Can anybody tell me how getting paid to do the same work you did in college with no tests and no homework is worse than college itself? Anyone? Bueller?

Here’s the deal, I’ll give my take on why it is much better to be a working stiff vs. a college student simply based on the places I’ve been in the last 12 months. If you can make an argument for the other side, feel free to give it a shot. It seems fitting, as this will be my last post of 2009, to have a little recap of my travels around the country. I don’t mean to toot my own horn but, let’s call it what it is, exactly that. I even surprised myself after I compiled the list. So here goes….TOOT! TOOT! (This post was originally going to be about what happened in AZ with Addy and DC, and maybe some Christmas highlights but I don’t know if I’ll get to that now. I don’t know if I’ll have enough time. Sometimes these posts have a mind of their own).

Places I’ve been for leisure in 2009:

The Vegas (New Years 2009), Winter Park (Feb. Ski trip), OK City (Mar. Cowboy search), MSP* (6th consecutive Twins home opener), Dallas (April new ballpark trip), Bemidji* (May Memorial Day weekend), MSP* (May Bro/Sis b-day Twins game), Boston (May DMB shows), Boston (4th of July), Chicago (July Cubs/Cards at Wrigley), Roseau* (Aug. Wedding), Bemidji* (Aug. vacation week), MSP* (Sep. Gopher football) Des Moines* (Sept. DMB show), MSP* (49ers vs. Vikes), Kansas City* (Sept. DMB show), Grand Forks* (Oct. Gopher/Sioux hockey), MSP* (Oct. Gopher football/Halloween), Orlando (Nov. caddie for my Aunt’s Future’s Tour qualifier), Lawrence (Nov. Husker/KU football), Bemidji* (Turkey Day), Phoenix (Dec. Shawn’s b-day celebration), Bemidji* (Christmas).

Places I’ve been for work in 2009:

Wichita (58 days over seven months), Panama City, FLA (19 days during July and August), The Vegas (5 days in August).

* These places aren’t really special because of their location (since they are cities in my home state and the place I went to college) but, I’ve included them because of the distance I did travel to reach them. Once I got further in to this post it changed again from trying to prove how being a working stiff is better than a college student to finding out how many miles I've traveled in the 2009 calendar year. What a turn of events. If only someone took the time to google map that information and display it in an easy to read format. Oh wait! I already did that.

The Vegas - 1,287 mi. (I only drove one way, accompanying Addy on his way to AZ for his internship)
Winter Park, CO - 1,196 mi. roundtrip
OK City - from Wichita 320 mi. roundtrip
MSP - 780 mi. roundtrip times 5 = 3,900 mi.
Dallas - from Wichita 740 mi. roundtrip
Bemidji - 1,142 mi. roundtrip times 2.5 = 2,855
Chicago - 994 mi. roundtrip
Roseau - Omaha/Roseau/Bemidji/Wright/MSP route 1,024 mi.
Kansas City - 400 mi. roundtrip

Grand Forks - 1,110 mi. roundrtip

Lawrence - 450 mi. roundtrip

Add those all up and I have willingly spent approximately 14,276 miles in the car. Couple that with my air miles:

Vegas to Omaha – 1,100 mi.
Omaha to Boston – 2,560 mi. roundtrip times 2 = 5,120
MSP to Orlando – 2,620 mi. roundtrip
Wichita to Phoenix – 871 mi.
Phoenix to Omaha – 1,040 mi.

Total leisure highway miles and air miles equals 25,027. Now, if you’re like me, numbers like that don’t really mean much unless there is a comparative figure. As it turns out, I've thought of everything today. The circumference of the Earth is 24,860 miles. I circumnavigated the globe just during my spare time. Remember that book Around the World in 80 Days? According to my rough estimations, I would have done it in 40 days. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Now getting back to the second point of this post, there is no way I could have enjoyed all that awesomeness traveling around the country as a poor college student. I did go on some great trips but most were funded by other means. As I said before, make your argument if you have one. Maybe it starts being the 'Real World' when you get married and have kids, which in turn sucks all of your extra flow in to real expenses. That must be it.

Finally, I'll come full circle and say that I had a great time in Phoenix celebrating Shawn's birthday with DC and Addy. Unfortunately for Shawn, he was unable to attend his own birthday weekend celebration due to some miscommunication in the Whiting family. Despite missing the birthday boy, we tried to make the most of it. We paid tribute to our missing friend with every drink or shot with this toast: Here's to Shawn! Happy Birthday!

The trip was an all around great time but one story sticks out in my mind. We didn't really have a plan for Saturday afternoon so when talks of summiting the great Camelback Mountain came about, we thought, why not? How hard can it be? It won't take us very long, right? We certainly won't be coming down in the dark, right? Well, to answer the last three questions: harder than we thought, longer than we thought, and yes we would be coming down in the dark.

It took us a good 1.5 hours to get to the top and, not that you need climbing gear or anything, I was not in the right attire (or the right shape) for that kind of activity. Most everyone climbing it had on athletic gear, weren't carrying cameras, and had water bottles. After a look around at the top and some nice photogs, we began our descent with the sun near setting. Quite soon it was dark and we were having trouble staying on the so-called path. Halfway down, Addy realizes that his watch broke and fell off his wrist. Addy and DC decide to go back for it, in the dark, with only a vague idea of where it fell off. I took this opportunity to inform them that I would be staying in my current location, for safety reasons. How were they to find the way down if I wasn't there as a guiding light? Obviously the real reasons I wasn't going back up was because I gave them a negative 3000% chance of finding the watch and I simply didn't want to climb back up the steepest part of the mountain given the chances of success. I even included Shawn, telling him of the situation via text message. Here's our conversation:

Me: We climbed camelback mnt and made it half way back down when addy realized his watch fell off somewhere. Its dark and they went back for it. Might not make it

Shawn: Wow. addy would do that. watch out for rattlers.

Me: Ridiculous. Isnt that watch from [ex-girlfriend]? I say good riddance.

Shawn: I'd leave it too.

Me: We could come back tomorrow and look in the light. Its pretty treacherous, especially in the dark. I cant see shit

Shawn: Are u at the bottom?

Me: I'm where addy realized he lost it. U rnt gonna believe it but someone founmd it and they r almost back to me

Shawn: So your only half way down? criminy x mas trees. u best be cussing them out. i cant have them falling off a mtn on my bday trip that im not on. blundercity.

Me: No worries mate. We got down safely. Saved a chicks life and got a $50 parking ticket for being in there past sunset. All in a good hike

Well that text convo pretty much wraps up the story. Happy New Year!!

Near the bottom. I still thought it was going to be a walk in the park. Anyone see Addy? I do!

TEAMWORK! (See! Tougher than we thought.)

All fun and games until the sun goes down...

At Four Peaks Brewing Co., a Mesa Vikings bar

Who got this hip hop on lock hit? Kozmic Prophet.

I was recently jamming to my music on shuffle when a song came up that brought back some good memories. It took me back to last February when some friends and I were on a little ski trip in Colorado. I was separated from the rest of the crew for some reason, wandering aimlessly. Little did I know my life was about to change. Down at the base of the mountain, I was approached by a prophet but, not just any prophet, Kozmic Prophet. Who is Kozmic Prophet? Kozmic Prophet is so many things, a rapper, an entertainer, a fellow snowboarder but, mostly he is a guy that peddles his demo CDs to people at the base of Winter Park Mountain.

He caught my attention with this opening line, 'Hey man, do you want to support the local hip hop community?' Tractor beam, sucked me right in. The main reason I was so intrigued is because I was asked the same question just 1.5 months prior in The Vegas while walking in to a liquor store on New Year's Eve. I guess I just look like a gangsta, I mean, as gangsta as a white boy in cargo shorts and a polo can look. In Vegas, I simply nodded and kept on walking. I treated this second encounter slightly different. I couldn't get asked that question twice in a lifetime and not take the opportunity to give my full support on both occasions. I felt like I owed something to the hip hop culture.

After the Prophet gave me a little rundown of what he does, he showed me his CD. He told me it was 'pure fire' or something very close to that. He was very enthusiastic and as you may know, I thrive on that. I asked how much it would take to support his community. He told me $5. SOLD! I had to carry it in my jacket for the rest of the day while I snowboarded because it was morning when I bought it. I had soon forgotten of my purchase but, imagine my suprise and excitement when I found that little gem in my pocket that night. It was close to the excitement level I reach when we play 'The Warrior' on repeat at the bar. Extremely high. We returned to the condo that night, the disc was played and it was played LOUDLY. We bumped those tracks on repeat for hours. I recommend 'The Next Level,' it's my jam.

I have to admit that I didn't purchase the CD for the musical value (which I was pleasantly suprised by) but, more for the story I would someday be able to tell about it. That day has arrived. I hope you enjoyed. I waited this long because I hoped Kozmic could get off the ground and onto the airwaves alone but, after almost a year, it's clear he needs my help*. I put Dan Patrick on the map, why not Kozmic Prophet.

I have one more exercise for you all. Close your eyes and purge your thoughts of everything. Now, think of the Kozmic Prophet. Picture him in your head. If you are picturing a freckled, red-headed, white guy, the Prophet himself has spoken to you. If not, shame on you!

I really like the lyrics in the song 'Datz Wack' (not listed above)

*Turns out he doesn't need my help as much as I thought! I found his album on iTunes for $9.99! Looks like I got the deal of a lifetime!

Don't read if thirsty

The Thanksgiving weekend was an enjoyable one. Despite the drive, I was able to arrive at 10 pm. Unfortuanely, the drive itself did not go as smoothly as I had hoped. I wasn't in a crash or got a speeding ticket (not that those things weren't well deserved) but, something happened that I feel was odd and extraordinary. It never happens to me and that is why I feel this story must be told.

There was an extremely uncomfortable, dare I say painful, stretch of my journey that spanned basically the entire state of South Dakota. As I left Omaha, or 'The HUH!!' as I like to call it, my silver chariot had just over a quarter tank of gas. This led me to have a planned stop in Sioux City or thereabouts to re-fuel and get some of my normal road trip drinks: diet mtn dew (it’s not mountain anymore folks, just look at the logo), Amp, Starbucks Frappachino, and Arizona Arnold Palmer Lite. Anytime I travel, some combination of these drinks will be consumed. Despite the amount of liquid I have on any given trip, I NEVER need to relieve myself outside the normal fuel stops that are necessary whilst driving long distances. I pride myself on that fact. I see it as a weakness and, if you are riding with me, I won't hesitate to ridicule you for your shortcomings. This stems from my father never stopping on road trips, which got me used to it, and from me wanting to get where I’m going absolutely as fast as possible, so I would hold it for hours at a time. It's almost as if my pride swells in unison with my bladder. Obviously being able to fight mother nature longer than the next guy makes you more of a man.

I figured my 2nd stop to be in Fargo which google maps tells me is 300 miles away from my aforementioned planned stop in Elk Point, SD where I did purchase fuel for the car and body. I must not have shook hands with the governor long enough at my stop because I had to go the second I got back on the interstate . Thinking about it right now makes me have to go. An hour or so later, I was considering going for the 1 liter DMD bottle. That's an easy move to pull off if you aren't driving but, since I was and I didn't want to risk missing my target, I held off. Even though I was feeling real pain and actually dancing around in my seat as I drove, I still thought it would pass and I could make it to Fargo even though I was a good 250 miles out. I really thought I could beat it and it kind of became a challenge. That's the kind of stubborness I have sometimes, usually about something little i.e. saving 7 minutes on an 8 hour drive home. It's important.

I finally broke down and stopped in Sisseton, SD (irony anyone?). That's 90 miles from Fargo. Imagine if I would have tried to hold it for another hour+. I might have exploded, quite possibly putting others on the road in danger. That's where I draw the line. I can endanger myself all I want but, I value the lives of others. What can I say, I'm a caring person. In the end the stop literally cost me 7 minutes. I was shaking hands with the governor for 6.5 of those minutes. That includes filling up with gas. I know one is supposed to wait for the pump to stop before going in but, obviously I was in crisis mode here, so the rulebook went out the window; sue me.

Now I realize that I have written 4 paragraphs on a pee story and I apologize. Here's something that sticks with the theme of this post to cheer you up. Some of you may be wondering if I learned my lesson. Seriously, you all should know better than that. Next time I will make it to Fargo. Mind over matter kids, that's all there is to it.

Getting back to the original intent of this post, which was to recap some of the Thanksgiving weekend. I did somewhat accomplish my goal of eating two Thanksgiving meals. I stated in my last post that I wanted to eat one meal, puke it all up, then go back for round two. Instead, I ate the amount of food that would normally be considered two Thanksgiving meals in the same time it took the rest of my fellow pilgrims to eat one Thanksgiving meal. I'd like to say the feat I pulled off is greater than my original goal but, after sleeping on it I've decided that the ralphing is really the toughest part to go through with and, since I failed to do that, my goal will live on.

My weekend can be summed up by a text I received from my boy Addy that read: 209, keg, and perkins for dusty tonight?

The 1st two are bars and the 2nd is the best place in America to get a chicken tender melt in the wee hours of the morning. Although I didn't make it to Keg, I did enjoy a tasty treat at Perkins which was, in a word, glorious. Another highlight of the trip home was the absolute destroyal of some Dave's pizza. It's a local diamond in the rough. Good times in B-town.

My brother told me a story that I had a hard time believing. He told me a random person came up to him and said 'I read your brother's blog.' So here's an experiment. If you read this post you must make some kind of comment. You don't have to have an account, anyone can do it. I suggest something light and fun. Sample comments: You are awesome and I love you! or I can't live without reading your brilliant writing, don't ever stop (that's what she said)! Anything to that effect would be super.

Soccer breakdown in 3, 2, 1...

Thanksgiving is finally here and I can't tell you how badly I needed a holiday. This is the time of year where work seems to get less important for everyone and the shift of importance goes to eating and watching football. I like that shift. This time of year is awesome. My company has 8.5 paid holidays and 5.5 of them are crammed into the time between the last Thursday in November and the glorious 1st day of the new year. For those of you counting at home, that's 5.5 days out of what would normally be 27 work days. Three out of the next six weekends are the ever so coveted '4 day weekends.' My Minnesota High School math tells me that is half, or 50% in layman terms. Those are the kind of numbers I can deal with.

There are some downfalls to the next 27 days, however. Should I so choose to spend these holidays with my immediate family, I will have to make the 16 hour round trip up I-29 to the great white north for two of the three weekends. I suppose I could try and fly home, but that gets expensive, even for someone employed by Dan Patrick, and there is no guarantee that the plane will actually land in Bemidji (see paragraph 5). The possibility of a blizzard could strand me there (which wouldn't be so bad....no work!), but mostly it will force me to drive back in horrible conditions because I don't know when to admit defeat when regarding weather, which will put me in the ditch somewhere on White Earth Reservation. At some point I got it stuck in my head that my Grand Am has a 3.5 foot clearance with 4 wheel drive, kind of like a Hummer.

I am making the journey today, and to combat the drive I will be listening to the daily podcast of who else but DP. As I said before, it's radio gold. Once that is over and I still have 6 hours of driving left, I plan on watching some blu rays on my laptop. If that gets old/dangerous, I'll put iTunes on shuffle. Yes, you have that right, I don't have a working iPod, so my computer doubles as an iPod for long car trips. It's the only way to road trip in my opinion. iPod screens are way too small to watch movies while driving.

Anyways, wish me luck and I wish all 3 of my readers, dubbed the Dangelettes by Reggie Miller, (Meow, Jim, and SSWY) a Happy Turkey Day. Here's to eating one big meal, throwing it up, and going back for a second. That is one of my Turkey Day goals.
You may be wondering what the title of this post is referring to. Wonder no longer. Soccer breakdown in 3, 2, 1.

Arcade Fire!

After a long, drawn-out, 46 day negotiation between DG (the talent) and Blogger© (upper management), a contract extension agreement has been reached that will keep a stream of impeccably written satire on the world wide interweb for the greater part of our lifetime. The original contract for blog author of These pretzels are makin’ me thirsty was set to expire at the end of 2009 but, due to the great success and massive cult following, the critically acclaimed writer demanded a mid-season re-negotiation of contract.

The details of the contract have not been released but sources close to DG say the demands were met. When asked of his demands DG was quoted as saying this, “I’m tired of people talking about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to write the blog, drink Pepsi, and wear Reebok. We [writers] might make a lot of money but, we also spend a lot of money.” Obviously words to live by.

This hold-out during negotiations left many fans in a state of distress yet anxious for a deal to be reached. Not all readers were impressed, however, as shown by this man’s take on the situation, “What? The guy has eight posts and thinks he can make demands? That’s like if Joe Montana demanded a contract re-negotiation after his first completion in training camp. Grow up Peter Pan.”

Although the contract has been signed, the frequency of future posts is still a question mark. Only time will tell if this new contract will motivate brilliance or complacency.

The above was an article taken from the USA Today and was thought to be relevant to my readers. I will not deny or confirm the statements made by the article. I hope to put this alleged incident behind me and move forward as if it did or did not happen.

I’d like to take some time to tell you what I’ve really been diggin’ lately. My favorite part of every weekday is listening to the greatness that is The Dan Patrick Show. It’s so good, I can’t fathom how I ever lived without it. I’m having trouble even writing this because I am so intently listening to the podcast right meow.

I think the best thing about it, aside from its riveting interviews and tremendous sports insight, is the humor that is interweaved throughout the entire program. It’s the type of humor that is so subtle, you might think that Dan and the Danettes were serious if you weren’t a regular listener. The guys on the show call it tongue in cheek, which is a phrase I have always heard, but never cared enough to figure out what it meant. As it turns out, that is exactly the humor I get down with. It’s almost as if DP doesn’t want you to know for sure if he is joking even though he most certainly is, and yet he says it so seriously. I love it.

The show has also been on Direct TV channel 101 since the beginning of August. Sure, I know what you're thinking, how can radio show be on TV? The mothership has radio shows on TV (i.e. Mike and Mike in the Morning, The Herd with Colin Cowherd) and it's pretty much what you expect, guys sitting, talking into mics. What if I told you the DP show has a basketball hoop where they shoot jumpers during the break? What if I told you there is a golf simulator where DP plays Pebble on Fridays? If you haven't heard the term 'Man Cave' before, google it. There is actually a show called Man Caves hosted by former NFLer Tony Siragusa that built the studio for them. Watch this and tell me that you don't want this job. That shows the lighter side of the program but I recommend listening for the interviews if you're a sports fan. It's radio gold. I'll admit, I laugh out loud.

What's that? You don't know where you can hear this amazing radio program? Let me tell you all the ways to access the DP show aside from Direct TVs channel 101. You can subscribe to the free podcast from iTunes (commercial free). Go to his site and listen live, find your local affiliate radio station, or listen to individual segments from the show. It is also broadcast over Sirius XM radio.

Does this sound like a commercial yet? Hope so. DP, I can do what Seton does. I'd be on that show in a minute. My goal in life is to become a Danette. I know it's pretty lofty, but that's who I am. I aim big. Oh, another reason DP is awesome, he is down with the Oregon Rap Community.

En Fuego