Happy Birthday SSWY! (re-do)

A couple weekends ago was the official birthday weekend for my boy SSWY. We had tried to celebrate it once before, but the birthday boy wasn’t present (that didn’t stop us though). Addy and I were again participating members in the celebration but, we lost DC, added SSWY, and added another fellow whom I will refer to as Dr. P (the P doesn't stand for Pepper). Last Friday also happened to be Dr. P’s birthday. The reason for choosing that particular weekend, aside from the birthday stuff, was that the Phoenix Open was taking place. The Phoenix Open is a golf tournament in Scottsdale, but it’s not quite what you’d expect from a regular golf tournament. Think of the atmosphere at the tournaments after Happy Gilmore joined the tour and then substitute the white trashy people with female ASU students in suggestive clothing and 30 to 40 something divorcés with certain body enhancements, then multiply by 36-24-36. It’s quite a scene.

The 16th hole, nicknamed the ThunderDome as it is completely surrounded by grandstands, is a par 3 that attracts much of the attention during the tournament. Shots on the green will bring vigorous cheers, while shots landing off the green will garner deafening boos. It’s unlike any other hole in golf. I am a big fan of golf and its traditions, one being the proper etiquette of the game, which this tournament clearly destroys. On the flip side, I also enjoy the party-like atmosphere and think that it is okay for one tournament to be set up like this. If the players and other fans attending know about it going in, they really can’t complain a whole lot. I can dig it.

Thursday was a pretty quick night. I got in at 10:30 and I had my game face partially on from the plane. Of course my plane was delayed out of Omaha so I made my connection in DFW by 2 minutes. I love airlines and their so-called ‘schedules’. Kudos to DFW airport for its train that will take you anywhere in about 5-10 minutes, I wouldn’t have made it without you. After a safe arrival in PHX, the crew hit In-N-Out Burger for some deliciousness that is the Double-Double, Animal Style. After that meal, I could have flown home and been pretty happy about my trip.

Later, we hit Mill Ave. and were asked if we supported hip-hop. Naturally, I have 2 new CDs by R-tistic for the wonderful price of $5. The guy even did a little freestyle on the street for us. Much later on, we crushed some Hungry Howie’s Pizza with the flavored crust. I pass on my high recommendation. SSWY, the original birthday boy had an awesome time that night. He showed just how awesome it was with a colorful spewing of fireworks in the parking ramp of Addy’s apartment complex, much like DC did back in December. I think he wanted to show us how much pizza he had eaten during the car ride home. He also made an attempt to put some mardi-gras beads on Addy’s antelope mount, but in the process he knocked it off the wall. The remainder of the night was spent watching the Bloomington Bros. on YouTube while SSWY and Dr. P passed out together on the couch. I watched hysterically as Addy put a Snuggie on an unresponsive SSWY before we went to bed.

Friday morning came pretty quickly. If we wanted the car for the day, someone had to drop Addy off at work. That someone was me and I was ready to roll at 6:50. Lucky for me, Addy only lives 5 minutes from work. Also, lucky for me, there was pizza leftover in the fridge. Not so lucky for me, SSWY’s puke pile was outside the driver’s side back door and was hard to tip-toe past to get in the car. While Addy was at work, the plan was to climb Camelback since SSWY missed out last time. SSWY, Dr. P, and I made it up and down in about 1.25 hours without much trouble or unusual excitement. We did however develop a game for the weekend which involved calling out 'Authentic' or 'Enhanced' anytime a questionable pair went by. When the latter came by it was kind of like this.

I'm not sure what we did for the rest of the afternoon, but it was fairly uneventful. Friday night was where things started happening. There was a plan to attend the Suns game, so we got to the arena around the start of the 2nd quarter to get some cheap seats from a scalper. Addy worked his magic and we bought seats that the scalper claimed were a $51 facevalue but were actually a $14 facevalue. Our initial offer was $20 total, to his $20 a pop. He actually said this to us, '..c'mon guys, it's the Clippers!' as if that would make us want to pay MORE for the tickets. What a clown. Either way, we were planning on sitting on the floor so $10 would be just fine for the value we would soon be getting. Unless an event is sold out, we rarely sit in our own seats. We try and find the best open seats available, everytime. Tonight was no different, but I've never had such a problem getting past the ushers. It was half way in to the 2nd quarter and the lower level had empty seats everywhere yet, some ushers were insisting on checking our tickets. As you can see below, they couldn't stop us, they could only hope to contain us.

After the game it was time to get some wings and more beer. One of our favorite places to accomplish that task is at the local Hooters. We did just that and it was glorious. Dr. P did a little birthday dance, 50 wings were consumed, and good times were had by all.

Before I go any further, there are a couple of odd and interesting things you need to know about Dr. P. He says ‘That’s what she said’ after anything, no matter the context.

Sample dialogue:

Me: My friend has cancer.
Dr. P: That’s what she said.

He says it so much that of course he hits the mark occasionally. When he does, it’s pretty comical. I usually laugh out loud, which only encourages the Doctah. Also, for a reason I will never know, Dr. P likes to say things like ‘Ho ho butter’ or ‘Ho ho margarine’ or any combination of the words ho ho, butter, and margarine. I think it falls under one of those don’t ask, don’t tell situations, so I don't ask. The frequency of these sayings only increases with adult beverage consumption. Imagine never-ending comments like that for the entire weekend. It’s exhausting hanging out with the kid sometimes, but there is never a dull moment.

After the game I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but the end of the story starts at Majerle's Sports Grill. After we sat at the table for 10 minutes without saying a word, SSWY decides to buy the next round. After ordering four BL smoothies at the bar, the bartender asks who they were for. SSWY turns to the table and sees Addy with his head down, Dr. P passing out with his head in his hands, and me doing nothing out of the ordinary. The bartender promptly carded all of us. What seemed like hours later, I started pouring salt on Dr. P's head while he was passing out, which led to Addy pouring pepper in his hair, which led to a fullout sugar packet fight, where Addy and Dr. P ripped open every sugar packet on the table and poured/threw it at eachother, which led to us being told by a manager 'I think it's time you guys called it a night.' Whoops-a-daisy...

We wandered around downtown for awhile where we may have had the biggest laugh of the night. Some guy was driving down the road yelling out the window 'Honk if you like cheese! I like cheese!' Dr. P chimed right in with 'Jeez, ho ho I like margarine, but I don't spread it around.' This line sent some guy walking near us into convulsions he was laughing so hard. He didn't even know Dr. P and he was ROFL, so imagine how hard we were LOLing! (I hate those text abreviations.)

After we returned to home base, a frozen pizza was put in the oven. Evidently, 15 minutes was too long for me to wait before crashing. When SSWY woke me up with a slice while I was laying in bed, I instructed him to put it in my hand. Two seconds later I fell asleep with the pizza in my hand and SSWY put it back on the plate and left it at the head of the bed for me to find in the morning.

With that I'll stop because I have a habit of telling too many details, which makes these posts get a liiiiiittle L-O-N-G. There are some other stories from the rest of the weekend that need telling, but I feel like it would take me 1,300 more words and I just don't have the power right meow.