DTP-alooza

Another birthday has come and gone and the earth has now been graced with my presence for over 27 years. It just so happens that a fellow from my office and another fellow on my softball team were celebrating their yearly anniversary of birth the same week as me. The powers that be came together one wet, hot, American summer night and came up with a brilliant idea. We were going to throw a three-way party. Wait.... that doesn't sound so good when talking about three dudes. Let me rephrase. We came up with the idea to throw a party with us three birthday boys as the featured hosts. Within seconds of forming the idea, a mutual friend and professional party planner, offered her services up for free. The wheels were set in motion for what will forever be known as DTP-alooza!

The party planning committee was high in energy and full of enthusiasm. The ideas were flowing all week long, of course all planning took place during non-business hours. There were many party planning luncheons discussing venues, refreshments, activities, music, and invitees. First off, we decided that a cleverly written and well decorated e-vite would be a great way to get the word out and create a minor media buzz (because that's what minor celebrities do). I was going to put a link to the e-vite in this post, but after further review there was some personal info I didn't want leaked all over the world wide interweb, thus I am not linking it. Being the minor celeb that I am, I've got to have at least one bat-shit crazy stalker right? You'll just have to trust me that it was cleverly written and well decorated. I wouldn't lie to you.

It was decided that my house was the ideal locale, mostly because of the decently sized basement/backyard and because I rent. The birthday men supplied a keg of the finest Bud Light money can buy. I also made a special concoction and labeled it DTP's Killer Lemonade. Really, it was just lemonade with a whole bunch of roofies mixed in. Just kidding! There were various amounts of beer, vodka, lemonade, limeade, and sprite mixed together while tasting delicious and allowing one to get glassy eyed fast and in a hurry.

We had these posters plastered all over the entire house as well. 8 different pictures. Collect 'em all!

There was beer pong being played and bags being thrown. There were Jell-O shots being slurped and Yum Fizzy shots being poured. There was music in the air and magic in our hearts. The whole evening was one big, glorious gongshow. The DTP-alooza playlist we created was fantastically epic and there were even some guest DJs screaming over the mic. Later on, Snoop-a-loop performed live and Frank the Tank streaked across the stage and then through the quad and into the gymnasium. Consequently, he didn't make it to the Home Depot the next morning and it goes without saying that there wasn't enough time for Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

I'm going to tell you everything that I remember happening at this fantastic festival of fun: I played and won 2 games of beer pong and I rode down the neighbor kids' slide. That's it.

People began arriving around 7 PM and from what I'm told, I was still kicking when the last person left at 3 AM. All I can say is those must have been some long ass games of beer pong. Also, after several hours of searching the next day, I found my cellular telephone underneath the neighbor kids' slide. All in all, DTP-alooza was a success. Someone left a 12 pack in the basement which made it an even bigger success. Score!

We also had a wavier agreement to sign. Once signed, it was taped to the wall in the basement. Good times.

By signing this document, I ___________, agree not to disclose
any information about the happenings that take place during the DTP-alooza*, or
during any residual happenings that may occur as a direct or indirect result
from the aforementioned event, with any person that did not participate in the
DTP-alooza. This is an agreement that cannot be voided under any
circumstance once signed, as determined by the United States Supreme Court. This
agreement is for the safety** and continued well-being** of all involved
attendees of DTP-alooza 2010. Any breach of this agreement by the signer will be
pursued and punished to the full extent of the law.

Now you have no excuse to hold back. What happens at or
because of DTP-alooza, stays in the DTP-alooza circle of legally bound
trust.

*DTP-alooza is considered an open ended event set to begin on
Saturday, August 7, 2010. It may included up to 4 hours before the official start
time of 5:00 PM CDT and up to 24 hours after the signer leaves the
event.

** Safety and well-being in this case, refer to social safety
and well-being i.e. reputation, image, and the like. The creators of DTP-alooza
are in no way responsible for any physical injuries sustained to the signer of
this agreement.

Pat didn't send us a pic for the e-vite and the name has been changed to protect the innocent.