The End of an Era?

Back in the fall of 2003, an impressionable young man strolled through the University of North Dakota student union on a crisp weekday afternoon, unsuspecting of how his life would soon be changed forever. As a freshman in college, the world was in front of him. No one looking over his shoulder, he was in charge of his own path, determined to make his upcoming life journey a memorable one. He harbored high hopes that one day people would say, 'If that boy's life was posted on the interweb as a readily available free publication, I probably wouldn't read it, but I bet someone might.'

That young man was me. I still remember that day. It was the day I became aware of the fantastic deal that is the $5 large pizza from Little Caesars. Back then, it was a new deal that was only available one day of the week at the UND student union (there was a deal on a different day that had $3 medium pizzas too, I think). When I say it was a 'new deal,' I mean it was new to me, so of course since I hadn't heard of it before, I am making the assumption that it was a new development in the pizza industry, discovered by me. I mean, let's face it, a deal like that isn't going to be around for long before a food lover such as myself discovers it. Natural deductive reasoning suggests that day was probably the first time the $5 large was offered. Worst case scenario, it had been around for a week. I've since eaten so many of those pizzas, it wouldn't be out of the question to say that I was solely responsible for the success and eventual expansion of the $5 large pizza campaign. The $5 large pizzas were soon available anyday, anytime, and they were always hot and ready. You're welcome America.

I remember thinking how it was absolutely mind-blowing that LC could produce and sell a pizza of that size for that price. I know what some of you are thinking and I agree, it's not the greatest pizza in the world. That title is well spoken for and comes with a price, a price well worth it. In the case of LC, it's all about the value. Getting something for great value makes it more appealing and easier to overlook the quality. Don't get me wrong, if you tried to sell me a large pizza covered with dog poo for $1, I wouldn't simply overlook the shit on my pizza and eat it because it's cheap. That is too much of a sacrifice in quality for price to overcome. I'd probably seriously consider it though. Pizza for a dollar? What was I thinking? You can't pass that deal up! That's crazy talk!

Seriously though, the value doesn't excuse a glaring drop in quality, just a slight drop. The LCs large pizzas are fantastic quality considering the price, but there was a separate secret ingredient that, when added, made eating the pizzas more like a religious experience than a regular dinner. Recently, the secret became nothing but a faded memory; a faint, lingering taste in my mouth.

Of course fellow LC lovers know that I am referring to the Spice Paks that were available for patrons to sprinkle, like tiny little specks of delicious, all across the pizza, making a tasty feast for all to enjoy. These bundles of wonderful flavor upgraded the already decent LC pizza to something unmatched by the competition. The seasoning was taking a good meal and making it great. It could only be better if a fresh order of Crazy Bread was added (no marinara sauce needed). Brilliant!

I could write another 1,000 word post on these alone.

Sadly, these Spice Paks have been slowly disappearing over the last few years. It first started in Grand Forks during my senior year. After ordering a hot and ready pizza, I asked for some Spice Paks like I had a thousand times before. Then I heard the words that would haunt me for the rest of my life, well, at least until I left the parking lot, 'Sorry, we don't have Spice Paks anymore.' All I heard was, 'Die die die!'

Surprisingly, life went on. You know the expression depressed losers use, 'Food has lost its taste blah blah blah something about colors are dull.' I kind of felt like that, but just the food part and only for LC pizza. Yet, it was truer for LC pizza than it was for any food I've ever loved. I thought I'd never fully enjoy a hot and ready large again. I say 'fully enjoy' because obviously there was no way I was going to stop enjoying taking advantage of that deal.

A few months passed before I struck gold once again. Sometime when visiting my home town, I indulged in my LC pizza passion. Even though, I hadn't seen one in GF for months, I always asked for the ever so coveted Spice Paks. To my surprise, my wish was granted and all was right with the world once again! The feeling didn't last long. Less than a year later, the B-town LC was out of Spice Paks, for good as it seemed.

Although discouraged and downtrodden, I kept searching. Anytime I saw a different LC, I tried it out in hopes of finding my spice of life. It was hit or miss on the road, I'd like to say 50%, but who knows. It wasn't until I landed a 'real world' job in Omaha that I found a steady supply again. The last two years have been great, but in the back of my mind, I knew a day was coming when the Spice Paks would run out. It happened not too long ago. I thought maybe I'd have to move again to a city where the Spice Paks were untapped. Then I decided to post a tribute to Spice Paks, which you are reading right now, and I found this while looking for a picture.

I don't care about the salmonella! I don't believe it either. I never got sick and I've eaten at least a billion of these paks. True story.

DTP-alooza

Another birthday has come and gone and the earth has now been graced with my presence for over 27 years. It just so happens that a fellow from my office and another fellow on my softball team were celebrating their yearly anniversary of birth the same week as me. The powers that be came together one wet, hot, American summer night and came up with a brilliant idea. We were going to throw a three-way party. Wait.... that doesn't sound so good when talking about three dudes. Let me rephrase. We came up with the idea to throw a party with us three birthday boys as the featured hosts. Within seconds of forming the idea, a mutual friend and professional party planner, offered her services up for free. The wheels were set in motion for what will forever be known as DTP-alooza!

The party planning committee was high in energy and full of enthusiasm. The ideas were flowing all week long, of course all planning took place during non-business hours. There were many party planning luncheons discussing venues, refreshments, activities, music, and invitees. First off, we decided that a cleverly written and well decorated e-vite would be a great way to get the word out and create a minor media buzz (because that's what minor celebrities do). I was going to put a link to the e-vite in this post, but after further review there was some personal info I didn't want leaked all over the world wide interweb, thus I am not linking it. Being the minor celeb that I am, I've got to have at least one bat-shit crazy stalker right? You'll just have to trust me that it was cleverly written and well decorated. I wouldn't lie to you.

It was decided that my house was the ideal locale, mostly because of the decently sized basement/backyard and because I rent. The birthday men supplied a keg of the finest Bud Light money can buy. I also made a special concoction and labeled it DTP's Killer Lemonade. Really, it was just lemonade with a whole bunch of roofies mixed in. Just kidding! There were various amounts of beer, vodka, lemonade, limeade, and sprite mixed together while tasting delicious and allowing one to get glassy eyed fast and in a hurry.

We had these posters plastered all over the entire house as well. 8 different pictures. Collect 'em all!

There was beer pong being played and bags being thrown. There were Jell-O shots being slurped and Yum Fizzy shots being poured. There was music in the air and magic in our hearts. The whole evening was one big, glorious gongshow. The DTP-alooza playlist we created was fantastically epic and there were even some guest DJs screaming over the mic. Later on, Snoop-a-loop performed live and Frank the Tank streaked across the stage and then through the quad and into the gymnasium. Consequently, he didn't make it to the Home Depot the next morning and it goes without saying that there wasn't enough time for Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

I'm going to tell you everything that I remember happening at this fantastic festival of fun: I played and won 2 games of beer pong and I rode down the neighbor kids' slide. That's it.

People began arriving around 7 PM and from what I'm told, I was still kicking when the last person left at 3 AM. All I can say is those must have been some long ass games of beer pong. Also, after several hours of searching the next day, I found my cellular telephone underneath the neighbor kids' slide. All in all, DTP-alooza was a success. Someone left a 12 pack in the basement which made it an even bigger success. Score!

We also had a wavier agreement to sign. Once signed, it was taped to the wall in the basement. Good times.

By signing this document, I ___________, agree not to disclose
any information about the happenings that take place during the DTP-alooza*, or
during any residual happenings that may occur as a direct or indirect result
from the aforementioned event, with any person that did not participate in the
DTP-alooza. This is an agreement that cannot be voided under any
circumstance once signed, as determined by the United States Supreme Court. This
agreement is for the safety** and continued well-being** of all involved
attendees of DTP-alooza 2010. Any breach of this agreement by the signer will be
pursued and punished to the full extent of the law.

Now you have no excuse to hold back. What happens at or
because of DTP-alooza, stays in the DTP-alooza circle of legally bound
trust.

*DTP-alooza is considered an open ended event set to begin on
Saturday, August 7, 2010. It may included up to 4 hours before the official start
time of 5:00 PM CDT and up to 24 hours after the signer leaves the
event.

** Safety and well-being in this case, refer to social safety
and well-being i.e. reputation, image, and the like. The creators of DTP-alooza
are in no way responsible for any physical injuries sustained to the signer of
this agreement.

Pat didn't send us a pic for the e-vite and the name has been changed to protect the innocent.